I got a new camera..
I'm just slow with my pictures and writing inspiration

my camera broke...
can't take any pics.
..>.>

I just noticed something with cartoons. Primarily..older ones.You know when a guy sees a hot lady..They usually have a raspy sounding sax and a piano for the background music. lol. Then the guys all like " hubba hubba" or something. Then their heart starts beating VERY hard and they stick out their tongue and they eyes have hearts in them too.

If you look at it in a different perspective...That’s not a healthy, or human like action. and I’d very much so recommend that you go to the hospital. First off. WTF does " hubba" mean? You fall so hard in in love that you’re speaking in tongues. ( or some sort of unknown satanic language. LOL ) The your pupils change shape to form a heart. They’re red...so it may be a demonic possession. >o> Also. It’s not really healthy that your tongue is out of your mouth. That’s quite animal like and very scary. Are you some sort of dog, you beast? Or that could be another sign of demonic possession.

Adding the fact that your heart is basically coming out of your chest. You need to go to the ER. Cause not only is your heart rapidly beating. You obviously lost your chest ( or whatever protects the heart) bones and your skin has become ever so flexible. So you’re gonna end up in a science lab being experimented cause you have some sort of rubber like skin ob your body. Or...it could be symbolic to a MAJOR erection. You might as well..make his penis beat hard like that. LOL...That’s funny sounding. Or that the fact that your lust is soo uncontrollable...that you got possessed by a demon and you’re becoming heartless cause you heart no longer wants to reside of your black, filty, lust consumed body.

hmmm... I don’t like that

*sigh*

I was slowly beginning to enjoy time to myself. Pondering on subjects that needed to my thought about in my alternate universe in my small brain. Although I'm pretty sure, they need no second thoughts in reality. However, you cannot let the grass grow under your feet. I'm pretty sure my IQ dropped these 2 weeks. Most of the break, I spent time thinking, thinking, and never stopped thinking. On what you ask? Try asking my brain cause I cannot comprehend the distortion most of the time. The slightest detail, like a small speck on a giant wall, can have me staring, staring, thinking, thinking , on and on. ( Found out the speck was a mark from a highlighter. Hope my mom doesn't kill me )

Will I ever stop thinking?

A song in my head. That I recently listened to. Repeating the slightest detail. The scales, chords, rhythms and lyrics. Forgetting that detail, I'll feel mocked, beaten, submissive, inferior, less that what little I am. >o< They mock me and won't leave me alone!!! ( No. I'm pretty sure I'm not Schizophrenic. Just giving you paranoid people a caveat. ) Keeping me occupied from the plate sitting in front of me. I dare not pick up my fork and take a bite. The color coated object has ulterior motives. Underneath that layer of color is a dull piece of truth. Once my naive lips touch the devious food, I become intoxicated with the reality around me. Being used to the world in my head has made me inexperienced with foreign form of phenomena of truth/reality. It's makes me intimidated and bummed.( lol I <3 that word.) Becoming aware of one's own surroundings and comparing it with the oh so wonderful alternate world. I realize, this is nothing to what I imagine. If only I can be, that person staring in the mirror in deep conscience. ( what ever that means. ) I realize this and I know I can alter this sick sad truth. When the food reaches my inner core the side affects commence. I'm talking to two people in a dream. One says " You can be that magnificent piece of work. Get out of that world you linger in. Reach up and you'll find a hand to cling to." ( they have red shoes !) However there is a more devious side. Smart, cunning, evasive being who speaks the color coated words that makes more sense than my reality. After all, one can say reality is complex. I cannot help but fall prey to those words. I can't even comprehend them. Yet they make up the most beautiful sentences. Now I linger in the world, stuck in my on fantasy. I know, I should stop. I know. I can't stop. If I do stop, I have my own problems to face. I have tried numerous times to stand up to those problems. Taller then the tallest object, more intense than being sucking in a Black Hole. ( those are scary. ) I cannot stand up to that superior being. It knows I am inferior. That's why it haunts and mock me. Knowing I have no inner strength. A Cheshire smile found upon it's face, standing on nothing but bitter darkness .Mocking me, taunting, daring me to make the slightest move. I cannot move, I say. I'm blinded, binded, chained. I cannot see. My problems doesn't want me to move. Hear the truth calling out my name. See reality reaching out for me. Sir Problems wants me to sleep. Dream. Of a reality I long for. I yearn for. I'd do anything for. Ahh. Such a warm, pleasurable feeling flowing through my veins. My body. My soul. If only reality were as sweet as the inner notions of my being. It's abusing!

However, all dreams must be put to an end.. Suddenly my problems let go of me. I feel something at my throat coming out. I cough, and gag till my lungs yell at their wits end. I soon realise that I have coughed up that color coated truth. Whom makes me see a dream. I stare, and stare at the chewed up truth in my hand. Missing that feeling of warmth that disperse within my soul. I cry. I always hold back my tears. Cause I know once I start I over flow my soul with extraneous tears. All is to be interrupted my a ringing moise I am all to similar with. A sudden burst of hope unleashes itself and or courses through me hands as I reach for the only way to achieving temporary happiness. As I thought, the one calling me on the phone is none other than you..my everything. Mentally I cheer. Leap. Scream a glorious Hallelujah! This being is no human I speak of. For they are too pure to be that vile species of humans. This being, who sings with a voice superior of an angle, who gives me the greatest amount and motivation of life. The most radiant jewel that I have had my eyes laid upon. You. My Everything. ( you know who you are. ) When I hear you say a simple word, my body has thousand of waves of pleasure through out my body. Even more when I heard you say that simple 3 letter sentence.

I love you.

Forbidden lover. This is more than a matter of love. Adoration. Glorification. Worship. Is this merely a form of obsession? I could care less. For I glorify thee! Hours and hours of hearing you voice, has healed my aching throat. I love you. I want you. I need you. I yearn for you. You are that I dream of. My body numbs. My lips quiver. I cry like there is no tomorrow. My everything… You are everything. My dearest, why is our love shunned? Terrible? I cannot comprehend. And I don't wish to. *sigh* Once again. You have to get off. And I am face to face with that color coated plate of food. But This time, I don't pick it up. I don't even look at it. My everything, you have fed my soul. I see no reason to eat. I'm no longer hungry. I occupy myself with endless hours on the computer. Reading, and listing to music. Beautiful. I love it. It's amazing. awe inspiring. Now the aching on my throat is covered up completely.. Temporarily. Hours, and hours of setting my own trap. Listing to music. Remembering each detail of a song. I soon grow bored of this and I am tired.

I go back to my bed staring at the wall.Thinking, staring. Thinking. Thinking.

I soon find myself, staring at the plate of color coated truth. Again.



That's what I did basically this winter break. Day dreamed, talk to mon Armor , get on the pc, and back to day dreaming. Lol